We are going Under Construction and coming back BIGGER than that nigga Jiggas bottom lip!  Check  back soon!!!!!

Check her out; Indiah Wilson Co-Owner of Ohh’s and Ahh’s Soul Food Carry Out!

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Giirrrrlllll Frienddssss!!!

As a woman who has many female friends, I look at the women I chose to surround myself with and see all the reasons why they are beautiful.  I know the strong character they exhibit, their many accomplishments, the things they do for their families and friends,  the sacrifices they make for others, and the drive they have to be successful.  

I love my girls; each and every one of them.  Some are professional students who are soon to be doctors, researchers, psychologists, marriage and family therapists, lawyers, and Ph.D’s.  Some are career women on their grind at IBM, Kelley Drye and Warren, FBI, Child Protective Services, BET, and Chevy Chase.  Many own property or are currently in the process of buying properties. Many are teachers across the nation who are dedicated to educate our  youth.  TOOO many are on some C.P.A. shit running Ernst and Young, Deliott, KPMG, and PWC.  And all are just fucking fabulous! There is still just one thing bout these honeys I don’t understand…  In your boldest and deepest voice say “Phenomenal Woman, that’s me” like Soror Maya would to continue….

  These women are SINGLE!!!   I know some of the D.M.V.’s most eligible ladies and any one who knows me knows these girls are exactly what I describe. Not only are they educated but. they are also are down to earth, fun, and can walk it out better than UNK him self.  Although these women have so much to offer, they are still not in healthy, strong, long lasting relationships.

 So my theory is, if you are hitting  7′s or 11′s habitually on this “crap table” we call life  causing us to “get lucky” in our careers, educations, incomes, family interactions, relationships with God, and friendships, but  you keep rolling snake eyes in the relationship category that maybe, just maybe you can’t win them all?  When it seems so attainable to remain lucky in every other part of your life, why does it seem it’s so difficult to get lucky with love?  You know, I truly believe that when you have all aspects of your life in line you can attract the right relationships but I am noticing a consistency amongst my girls that even when your ducks are in a row, a good relationship isn’t  guaranteed.  This leaves me to my next question…Where are the good guys???

See alot of my girls are doing their thing but they are not alone;  alot of my male friends are dong their thing as well!!  The men who are on par with the accomplishments of my crew are on their grind right now getting paper ( real reinforced paper called degrees that bring more doe) !!  These dudes may not be seeking relationships right now but, instead are focusing on their careers, are still out here crookin til they get on their feet, and are trying to get (or stay) on the same level or higher as the women they hope to attract.  So maybe the women I know who are out here waiting on Prince Charming are being preserved for men who are just taking a little bit longer to get their ish together.  I know alot of good guys who want to settle down eventually but they are trying to get all their bachelor tendencies out, save some money, get some degrees, or move forward with their careers before they give up the ultimate commitments.

 So ladies don’t lose hope!  Their are many good men out here who are able to recognize the same things your girls see in you but they are just taking their time to get on your level or above so they can be just as impressive.  Wouldn’t you rather him come at you correctly, when he knows he’s done crookin and has the means to provide , then when he is still uncertain what he wants or what he wants to be?  At this point, you want to know the man you commit to is presenting him self with something to offer, not as someone coming to take take take!!!  

So the question remains, Can you win them all?  The answer is simple, if you learn from your losses in the past and relate them to your future interactions, you can turn your L’s to W’s like that!  Lebron did it during the finals and look what happened in Game 5! Instead of focusing on your mistakes and pitfalls of the past and beating yourself up over them, use them as a template of what not to do in your future relationships.  If you learn from your mistakes and are just a little patient, you will stop rollin “snake eyes”  and rollin 7′s and 11′s will become second nature in the relationship category just like every other aspect of your life.

Trust me,  unlike craps relationships don’t have to be a gamble.  You know what to do ladies;  keep your ish together and my initial belief stands strong, you attract who you are and there’s no luck about it.  You may have to be patient in order to get your prize but in the end it feels good to know you will win!

For those who know me, you know I’m a student and a serious one at that.  Finals were a killer and I needed to detox Microsoft, Mozilla, and Macs for a few but I’m back.  We are about to turn things up for the month of June so stay tuned….

Go Cavs!

I met a woman this weekend who disclosed to me she had traveled to D.C. all the way from Lebron and Clevland to see her boo.  She was sitting at the bar at Cadillac Ranch drinking in a bathing suit and pissed off her man called her on a nine-hour bus ride to have her sitting at his job. Now, she had been shopping all day alone and was ready for some TLC from her boo.  He was the top chef in the joint so although the night look pretty long ahead of him he continued to ask her to wait because he was “getting off in a few hours”.  To stay out the dog house completely he fed her well (steak shrimp all that) but she was still waiting, and blown, because he mislead her to believe he could get off early.  

The more Long Islands we threw back, the deeper our conversation flowed. Eventually she told me she was his side woman.  This man had rode her, not flew, her ass across the fucking country from Ohio on a broke down bus where she had five children, a brand new truck, and many things she could be doing to sit in Cadillac Ranch.  This conversation, amongst other things, made me think about what it meant to be the side woman.  Whether you have a full out relationship, or you just fuck on the side  being the side woman ain’t cut out for everyone and really in the end can’t end up being too much fun, espcially when you know your role from jump.

When you let a man know you are comfortable being on the side there is an immediate level of respect lost for you whether you guys know it or not.  The side woman doesn’t get the house, doesn’t get the Valentine’s Day surprises, definately doesn’t get to meet the parentals but instead gets to be hidden from the world (except his men who know how their nigga rolls), gets a few luke warm dates here and there and gets some sex.  In most cases, men take care of their side piece just enough to keep her ass quiet and the main attraction gets the real shit he has to offer.

By letting a man know from jump you are willing to accept he has had a woman before you and you are still willing to fill the secondary role he has set out for you, gives a man exactly what he wants.  The thrill of cheating, keeping two women in line, being unhappy with number one, or letting his niggas know his pimp card hasn’t expired are some of the reasons men have side women.  

Ladies, if you chose to be in this secondary position please realize it is coupled with secondary treatment.  If this man gets caught up, you will be thrown under the bus while he goes to salvage his first relationship.   If people find out you are playing this role, you will be viewed as the whore that fucks peoples men even if he was the aggressor.  You can not be publicly flaunted as the woman he loves because Facebook tells a completely different story and everyone knows he has a girl.  Regardless of the attraction or feelings you have for a guy you date that has a main woman, you are still not able to reap the primary benefits of his hard work and can never be the main dish.

Going into a relationship knowing a man has a partner is wrong but it’s your business.  You make a decision what type of relationship you are willing to accept and accept the substandard, under par treatment that comes along with it.  Material things are enough to keep some women happy momentarily but in the end, the love you deserve from a relationship can never be played out because of the circumstance you created.  

Now, if you genuinely fall in love with someone who is in relationship and the feelings are mutual, why hasn’t he left number one?  Because although what you all have is nice and makes you happy, there is something else this first woman is giving, or has given, this man that has kept him with her.  Don’t be foolish enough to believe a man with a side piece is waiting to upgrade you because if he could he would.  People divorce their wives to remarry other women when they are unhappy and if your man has you sitting at Cadillac Ranch after you just got off a bus to see him, more than likely he doesn’t plan on making that move any day soon!  Shit, I might do it if it was Bron Bron tho (jk)!

Three Six Mafia Nuccas...

Text messaging was the best thing that could have ever happened for crooks.  Ask Triple Six about a “Two Way Freak” or Raheem about how he “Sex Messages” these hoes and they will tell you texting took crooking to a WHOLE different level.  Alot of niggas in the DMV quit chirping and dumped their Nextels and got Trios, Sidekicks , and Voyagers to step their text and sex games up.

Now these crooks can discretely text your ass when they are with their other girl, send you late night messages when they know they shouldn’t call, and ignore your ass when they don’t feel like talking.  We use text messaging on a daily basis to communicate with our boos but sometimes we convey feelings and thoughts that we don’t intend to send. Kiss me thru the phone to continue…

Text messaging really can fucking destroy the meaning of a message you want to convey your boo, lil friend, significant other, or fuck buddy.  Although very convieniet and quick, texts are indirect forms of communication that give you the easy way out when talking to a girl or guy about your feelings.  ”I really wanna see you today lol” or “Boo, I’m horny lol” are ways we share our feelings with one another through texts and get to hide from the fear of  immediate rejection and lack of comfort that you may experience if you just said these things to a person straight up in their face or over the phone.  We even add the notoriously ambigous “lol” to the end of our statement to provide a soft landing for the loaded texts we chuck at the second party.  

The things we are embarrassed to share or hear ourselves say aloud are often times send in a text before we even realize we didn’t mean to say that.  These loaded texts are often ambiguous, sent when we are under intense emotions or drunk, and leave a paper trail of your thoughts that are often analyzed over and over and over by the sender, receiver, and half of their friends to figure out what they mean.  Funny thing is, in many of these messages, the person who send them may not really have meant the message to have the meaning you interpreted.

How many times have you gotten into an argument over a text message with your boo?  Well ladies and gents, if you are confused why you and your boo text all day but you’re always misintepreting each other, it’s simple… texting is for crooks and short messages not for real conversations and relationships.  If you really want to know each other, spend some time talking on the phone or face to face.  Talking is the ONLY way you can really pick up on your boos sarcastic tone and not take it personally.  We need to hear tones and inflections in a persons voice in order to truly understand them.

Moreover, texts allow the flow of a conversation to lack consistency and stability.  The timing in a conversation and reaction time is everything.  When you are talking on the phone, if a nigga waited four hours to reply to a question you would hang up on his ass.  Well, we have to accept this conversational delay over the text  because you aren’t sure (unless you both have Verizon or you’re on BBM) if the nigga even got the shit yet.  The delay also gives a person time to think and provide less than their first reaction to your message.  If you are asking a loaded question, text messaging gives an individual time to reinterpret your question over and over and provide a response that may be just as confusing as your question.

So, texting is great for late night crooking across campus, setting up booty calls while you’re in the club, or talking to boyfriend number 2 but it sucks for real relationships.  If a guy only texts you and can’t sacrifice some of his minutes to converse (not conversate) then you don’t know him.  When first getting to know someone, you need to talk over the phone or face to face to understand that persons communication style and demeanor.  Texting just won’t cut it and could leave to more confusion in the end!  Texting just creates MADNESS!!!

Damn CB... I know you love her but.....

Love is beautiful thing, especially when it’s real.  I know all my ladies have felt that feeling before where the sky opens and God sends doves with harps playing  ”Lovin You” by Minnie Ripperton, the butterflies fly through your Dominican blow out , the sky is clear and you have tunnel vision… all you see is him (or her).  Love is a very strong emotion that takes over your inner soul.  It seems uncontrollable because with out thought or effort you put that person in the forefront of your thoughts and the top of your priority list.  

You could be in Wendy’s or the gas station and you can FIND a way to bring something about this negro up.  ”Girl, yesterday Darrell just bought a four piece nugget and he said it was good” or “My boo always gets the car wash when he gets gas” are things you start to disclose to your friends when you really are in love. (Note: We listen, but most of the time we don’t care).

After a while love seems like an uncontrollable emotion  but, I believe we have a choice on who we experience this feeling with.  Now, I believe there is a Mr. Right out there for everyone but clearly he is not the only one that could potentially take your heart.  Sometimes we fall into the pit of love right onto a nigga that is more like a rusty nail instead of a soft pillow.  

Now the first time you fall in love and realize it was fluke is not really your fault.  We all have to experience heart break to understand and appreciate real love but, if your love life is habitually catching tetanus (Google it if you’re confused)  from all  rusty nails you’ve fallen on we need to start having a conversation about choices because YES you can ( and should) chose wisely who you fall for.  If your here for the Love of Ray J, take this glass…Love is a conscious decision.  There are some people in the world that are completely compatible that just shouldn’t be together. It’s a common misconception that love conquers all and when you find it with one person you can never find it again.  I’m sorry to break this to you ladies but, love is not enough to sustain any relationship by it’s self.  You could have all those special ass feelings I described above and more with your dude but, you know when your relationship has SERIOUS barriers that can not be reversed.  If you have given him endless chances to stop cheating but his baby mother ends up pregnant (again) or he refuses to get a job and has never had one like…. ever it is time to realize love is not enough to patch up these problems.

Now, being in love comes with ups and downs, disagreements and disapproval, and mountains and molehills but it shouldn’t come with tsunami’s of trauma, avalanches of attitudes, and hurricanes of HELL.  We have to be conscientious  of who we allow into our hearts especially when we know he can’t truly give us what we need.

 You can not have a healthy relationship with a man or woman who is not your equal period.  Now don’t get me wrong, if your man is working a blue collar job and you are on your corporate shit you can still be considered equals.  If your minds are in the same place, you are both grinding and striving to be the best in what you do, and there is an untouchable level of respect between the two of you, you can be equally yoked.  Shit for real I am a product of this exact equation and I know Momma Mack respects my daddy because he is a real nigga and provider and they have been together since 1975!  You can only be with a man you respect as your equal because if you do not respect your man, it will be evident in your problems later on.

Now with all that said, you know you can be in love with someone and be completely happy and know is shit still not meant to be!  Just because someone makes you happy does not mean they are right for you.   You could be living the life with this man, eating caviar and drinking Vueve Clicquot on a yacht in the Bahamas and know deep down the relationship is not right because you caught him living a double life six months ago with another woman. ( I don’t blame you for going though lol).  Either way, temporary happiness should not blind you from acknowledging love is not enough because in the long run these inherent problems will rupture the foundation of your relationship. 

When your relationship has suffered extreme trauma, trust is lost, or your partner is just not your equal it’s time to realize love is not enough.  Shit even if shit seems GREAT, the issues will not go away and they will come back to haunt you when you least expect it.  Do not sell your self short and choose to fall in love with someone who can not give you exactly what you need.   The relationship will always lead in heart break and trust me the needle you take after you contract tetanus from that rusty nail hurts even more than the fall.

TLC!!!

Now ladies,  I know a lot of us are super frustrated about the men we are attracting in the DMV. No jobs, no goals, no cars, no money, no morals, shit sometimes no teeth lol.  Seems like the only options left out there are the press bammas that just want a girl no matter who she is, the boyfriend number one and two rejects, and the ones lurking for someone to crook and carry.  Yea, these niggas are wack but there is one common denominator in the people you attract; YOU bitch!  Now I am a firm believer that people only use people when they are worth something.  If you are attracting washed up scrubs who are just looking for a come-up and a place to stay you must have something desirable but there are some signs of insecurity this crook sees in you too that he feels like he can infiltrate your life and crook you for you resources and vagina.  So we are calling these niggas wack but maybe we are in some ways similar to who we attract…. Pop the hood to continue…

Now ladies, think about where you go to meet these dragons you hate.  If you go to the club every week, you only allow yourself to meet men in the club.  Now I KNOW you read “You Can Find Me in the Club” and realize men in the club aren’t coming there looking for a successful woman to bun up.  Honestly, most men in the club are pretenders or scrubs and the lavish bottles they pop and chains that hang low aren’t really even theirs! If you go to the home of stunners, pretenders, and crooks why don’t we expect to be fooled, played, and cranked by these men.  Now there are some exceptions, you can meet a guy who is about something in the club but just know if you go to the club, you run the risk of attracting what’s typically there.  And remember, regardless of who you really are YOU are in the club too and this ritual is relegating you to dating in that arena.

If you are upset that you are constantly attracting people who use you for money, what are you doing to make your self seem like a vulnerable sheep looking for someone to follow?  A man with even an ounce of pride would not ask for money unless they thought you were foolish enough to say yes.  Ladies, stop giving these niggas a good story and a few drinks to share with his men because you are sitting here trickin on his jobless broke ass (shit sometimes he has his own money and is using yours on other women or his self).  You end up in this cycle of fuckery where you habitually date people who use you for money because you are using your money to attract them or in many instances, you just seem pressed and impressionable and a man who is a leach knows he can pull the wool over your eyes and rob you blind.

If a man is trying to get close to you after you let him know where you work, he sees you drive a 2009 Audi, and have a beautiful townhouse out VA while he lives in a small apartment on a friends couch with no car uhhhh hello????  He has nothing comparable to offer you and he just sees you as a come up.  Unfortunately in this society there are many men who are looking for women to take care of them like you are their mama’s.  Well just like their mama’s who have enabled them to be losers with their excessive caudling and spoiling of these grown men, you give them their way and let them run through your finances before you even realize what’s going on.  Their mama’s got sick of them so now they are hoppin from sugar mama to sugar mama to keep their lifestyles going.

Ladies, a lot of times we attract exactly what we are asking for.  If you are a club head, you attract club heads.  If you are insecure and weak, you will attract someone who is looking to prey on you.  Lets do some self evaluation and look at where we go and what we do before we start the name calling.  Yea these niggas are scrubs but you just may be exuding some scrub like qualities and hang out in scrubby places if you are constantly attracting them.  Expand your scope and environment and you will expand your dating arena. It’s that simple, you are what you eat….